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The Dream chapter 23-c
Does he love Jayeson enough to go through counseling with him or not, and how much of all this is because of his drinking.
Could he really see Jayeson with someone else and not get himself into trouble again; thats what happened last time.

Good thing his insurance covered the other kid's hospital bill, and he'd had too many different things in his system to make pressing charges a good idea!

He(Carlos) is a lot like Dylan that way, well like Dylan used to be.
No matter what Carlos decides...or how long it takes...
They have hurdles for Jayeson to help his love get over.

'Sometimes, even when they love you,  it could be so hard for some  to choose!' Marco thought, trying not to worry too much for them, reminding himself that it won't help; a small somewhat guilty smile stretches his lips....but only for a second.

A worse habit than smoking cigaretts, at least according to father 'Mo!  "It is always harder to put down what you pick up with your mind." Marco can almost hear the voice of his long-time friend, see the 'Oh well' shrug of shoulders, the out-flung open palms that say 'Sorry, but that's just how it is.'.

Thinking about all this, some of the heat faded from the annoyance he'd  felt towords anyone who had or might interrupt them tonight.
But he would not share Dylan with aynone else tonight, not after....




Marco is walking on air, practically floating back to their bedroom.

But looking at  Dylan now, what he sees hits him like a glass of ice-cold water suddenly thrown into his face!

The signs of the aftermath of another 'dream' are there; that tight-lipped(quilty/angry)-'caught', just-like-I-deserved-to-be-, look .
The hunched, wish-I-could-just-curl-up-till-I-fold-myself-out-of-existance shape that his big perfect body makes hurts so much it makes him(Marco) crazy!
This just shouldn't ever happen to this wonderful, happy, laughing, joking, prank-playing, amazing person...not after all he's already gone through on his own; not to mention what they have gone through together.

'Will this shit never be over?' he wonders shaking his head as enters the room, rolling his eyes, knowing Dylan won't see him yet.
'And why... just f@#&in' why?' he fumes to no-one, just yelling inside his head, maybe it'll shake an idea loose!

But now is not the time for questions.
Showing Dylan how frustrated and usless all this makes him feel won't help.
Marco can tell by now that this one was really of thoses that Dylan won't even tell him about.

Walking over to the bed...eyes moving over Dylan's face..catching his eye at last...letting him see that he's looking at him...and how he's looking at him...

Trying to lighten this ugly mood, distract him-if only just a little.
Marco puts as much of what he feels for him as he can on his face, the adoration/admiration for each part of Dylan's gorgeous body.
Even though he knows that all this may accomplish is to get his love pissed about something else!

Dylan has gotten more comfortable with Marco looking at him, but it took a while.
For a long time Marco haddn't understood why Dylan fidgeted so much when he noticed Marco staring at him.
Marco just enjoys watching him in motion, always has, even before he got to know him.
Was amazed at how perfect he seems, how beautiful that long soo well muscled body moves, each muscle responding's almost like listening to a perfectly composed piece of music.

Just going through the daly things, from one class to another...then suddenly..
A bright-red-neon feeling!
Letters at least ten feet tall and flashing!
Sometimes it's a soft glowing thing, like floating in a warm blue ocean, somestimes a heart-stopping, breath-stealing thing that makes him feel like he's blushing all over!

But as good as it has always felt to Marco, if Dylan caught him looking....

Thats what the first expression on that gorgeous face said...for so long.
Then, there'd be a sort of...bracing-for-impact kinda thing; jaw clenched, muscles tensed, like he was thinking 'All right, hit me with it, I knew it couldn't last!'
Marco could almost hear the " Yeah, I did it, I admit it, Go ahead, I can take my lumps...I earned 'em."

But there was also something else.....something that felt like 'But I didn't mean to!' and ' me anyway.....give me another chance?!?'
And lots of fidgeting.

Or goofing off, which could be anything from slowly crossing his eyes, to 'falls' over imaginary objects!
The John Belushi-style 'zit' immitation was one of the few that landed both of them in detention.
Marco haddn't been as pissed about it as he'd pretended to be, but the way Dylan had apologised that night....
Yeah, they'd spent some time after that passing each other in the hall with a smirk, and a whispered; "Hey... Fogman!"
And that was before they'd ever...

Dylan was trying to keep up the eye contact, but Marco could tell it was costing him.
That 'Caught!' and all the rest was just there, trying to take over and make this even harder, like suffering what ever dream hadden't been punishment enough!


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